She was standing gazing at the empty sky,
He came close to her and stood beside her.
She realised his smell but didn't shower any response.
Slowly,he slid down his hand on her palm till a grip was born.
She disturbed her dissolving eyes from sky to admire their hold.
Then, again dedicated her eyes to darkness.
Both looked at the sky now twinkling with stars.
She smiled and a tear trickled down her cheek.
And he released his crinkle from forehead.
...these lines ...indicates ...the begning of love.
ReplyDeleteIt may depict beginning, journey or end of love.
Delete1. the words 'his smell' should have been avoided.
ReplyDelete2. "she didn't shower any **response**
3. "stood **beside** her
4. "made her eyes dedicated" should have been ideally substituted by "dedicated her eyes" because both are in 'direct speech' and the former certainly doesn't go down well with the tempo of the poem
Thank you so much for the typos.
DeleteI have updated them.
Thanks for such reading :)
and you know what might have happened next?? A Ram-Leela / Ishakzaade Kinda ending.. Both embrace and shoot each other...! And then the Dhoom 3 concluding poem 'Bandhe hain hum uske' would have started humming in the environment!
Deleteyeah! May be. quite possible. :P
DeleteSo Beutiful <3
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteThis "Tenderness" in relationships is becoming an extinct affair !
ReplyDeleteManipulation taking over.....
Anyways, Short is always Sweet ! (Y)
umm. i don't know that.
Deleteanyways thank you :)
Look around yourself...you will surely find enough corroborations !
DeleteNice lines, Viditi! Much maturity & meaning in those touching words... Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThank you, ma'am .
DeleteWell written :)
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot :)
Delete