Wednesday, 5 March 2014

About To Cry

The weather was cuddling the wind within its mighty embrace of black giant clouds. Trees seemed to enjoy drenching with the icy cold drizzle and the wind appeared to be an orchestra for them to dance. I was spellbound to see nature playing with itself. I craned my neck outside the window to observe it more closely but then I realised I was in class. So, I desperately prayed for it to over soon. As it ended, I jumped off my desk with excitement and asked my beloved bench-mate if she could accompany me for a walk with nature, her eyes instantly said yes. But then she remembered that she had a project work to complete so, unwillingly she said no and gloomed. I cheered her up by saying, “I will get someone else for company, you concentrate on your project, it’s more important”. We both chuckled. With that, I left the college happily for hostel.
As soon as I reached hostel, the sweet drizzle turned into heavy rain and I scowled as I never found rain as wonderful as people describe, in a way, I avoided it.

In my hostel’s room, I waited for the damn rain to cease. Meanwhile, I fixed my eyes on door to grab one of my hostel buddies for the stroll. The rain slowed its pace and my friend came to my room. I was thrilled as in my mind I had planned a picture-perfect walk. With child-like-wide smile, which I usually showered on whom I love, I asked her to join me. Her breath doubled, eyes got wider and folds conquered her forehead. Then, She bellowed, “I’m busy, I will not go anywhere” and left. From my imaginary picture perfect walk she freed my hold with a jerk. The pampered child in me, who used to raise voice but had never witnessed such a loud pungent reply, immediately withdrew the smile and replaced it by a quivering disgust.

For few minutes, I sat stock-still there on my bed busy understanding what’s happened. As the rain again started to blare, my heart replayed all the moments in which we’re together, all our outings for which I have sacrificed my business, my tiredness, my incomplete writings……., and the moments where she has made me feel like a family. Her love and care for me stood in front of my eyes fighting with her, a moment ago, words that have left me today nagging. I locked my door and sat on the corner of my bed. I unveiled a small portion of window to get a glimpse of world. I craved for her to be beside me at that very instant. My heartfelt heavy, throat chocked and my eyes blurred.

I was about to cry.

But then, someone knocked at my door. It was her asking for broom. I quickly packed my tears inside the eyes even before coming out, pasted a plastic smile and gave her the broom. She left. The clamour suppressed outside and inside once again bawled. The tears that were waiting to be shed finally welled arcing through my cheek before falling. The cold breeze outside still tempted me. I consoled my heart not to get disheartened and asked it to have a walk with me after a sound sleep as the whole incident left me dizzy. But I felt enlightened with this thought as I liked walking alone. What's the last time I talked to myself? What's the last time I searched for the brightest star? What's the last time I searched shapes in clouds? What's the last time I had laughed on me? These questions made me to laugh at myself for searching for a company when the only person I needed to spent time was me. In an attempt to keep everyone happy I had forgotten to keep myself happy. While networking with "what's-on-your-mind (facebook)", "What's-happening (twitter)", "Last-seen-at (whatsapp)","+1s (google+)" etc, in one word, strangers, I had got disconnected from my own self. I stood up from my bed. Once again, peeped out of the window and asked the nature, “Would you join us?” The wind turned swift, the cloud cleared and sun gazed from its puffy cotton ball disguise. It appeared as if they’re saying, “Yes”. And a strange smile ran on my face.

Happily, I dozed off.

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